Two Mothers Poetry

We are mothers

I am a mother

I am a mother

I have a newborn

I have a newborn

I love my child

I want to love my child

I have lots of lovely gifts

I have no gifts

I have lots of visitors

I have no visitors

I hate the smell of his nappies

I can’t wait to change his nappy

I can’t get the hang of feeding him

I can’t get the hang of this machine

I wonder if bottles would be easier

I wonder if I’ll ever feed him

I wish he would stop crying

I wish i could hear him cry

I love my child

I scared to love my child

I am so tired

I am so tired

I could cry

I do cry

I love to blow on his face and see him wiggle

I watched them blow into his mouth and give his feet a jiggle

He pulls funny faces when he sleeps

He forgets to breath when he sleeps

It so hard to bathe him

One day I will bathe him

I wish I had a girl so I could dress her up

I wish he could wear clothes

I worry what my child will look like

I fear my child will not leave hospital

He looks so big in his cot

He looks so small in his incubator

He has to have a blood test, poor mite

He has another blood transfusion

I love my child

I can’t love my child

What if he’s Ginger

What if he’s deaf

He’s got a birthmark

He’s had a brain bleed

What if he’s Gay

What if he dies

What if someone hurts my child

What if they can’t help him

I can’t wait to get back in my jeans

I can’t wait to hold my baby

I’m going home

I’m going home

My baby is in his car seat

My baby is still in NICU

Some background, my youngest son was born at 23 weeks. I was in a side ward of the main postnatal with other Baby Unit mothers, none of us had our babies with us. We had to endure the pitying looks of other mothers and listen to the inane chatter in the milk kitchen.

Henry spent 6 and half weeks on the Trevor Mann Baby Unit, Royal Sussex Hospital, before being moved to Special Care Baby Unit, Eastbourne General Hospital for another 4 weeks.

He was left with some after effects of his early birth, including hearing loss and co-ordination difficulties.