Who Am I?
I suppose you are wondering who I am and even what I am. Well, I’m me, just plain me. I don’t fit in with any other group, oh yes I am part of groups, but don’t fit in. I’m 15, and well I don’t know, odd, weird, unnoticeable, I can be all of these things and much more.
I guess people would say I was different, and in fact if you asked any of my friends and family about me, you would probably assume they were describing different people. You see I have several “me’s”.
There is the Me that goes to school, very much the shy retiring student; I don’t stick out, I can complete my schoolwork with ease and do, well most of the time. I have no real interest in school or any of the other students, just the odd one or two I would regard as friends.
Then there is Me who attends the local swimming club; again I blend in, I swim, I practice, have my Bronze Medallion for lifesaving and have competed in synchronised swimming.
My mother and father, who live apart would both describe me from what they see.
For my mother that would be the rebellious teenager, rebellious my arse, I don’t drink, and I don’t smoke, hardly revolutionary. I do argue with her, a lot. She assumes that I will have boys in the house at the first opportunity, but she couldn’t be more wrong.
My father, however, is more like me, we spend our time together in the countryside, exploring new places, be it on land or by boat. We walk together and sail. He sees none of the rebel in me, but this is simply because we get on so well, some would say he is wrapped around my little finger.
But that's not the only me; the true me would be the one that attends cadets, though even there I am slit. Caroline that attends the local unit is a hard working senior cadet, helpful to staff and younger cadets. I teach others sailing and pulling (rowing). I am very much a more animated version of the school me, but with a lot more friends. Then when I go away on courses the real me emerges, the outgoing one, I am a leader always in charge within a few hours, organising and arranging the mess and all those in it. I take no crap from anyone, cadet or staff. I have made so many good friends while on course, real friends not like the ones from school. Made so many memories.
At times I am a girly girl in a skirt occasionally with makeup, though I have never been very good with that, at other times I am in boy clothes, not because I am a tomboy, but because they are practical and allow me to hide. My hair always tied back, always in a bun or french plait, never down, never straighten or curled like my peers, just don’t see the point.
My friends from school are all obsessed with drinking, smoking and boys; they think I’m odd as to them I am boring. My friends from cadets are also often obsessed with all or some of these; they also think I am odd at times. My true friends know me better, they know that I will drink a little, would never smoke, have watched my mother killing herself slowly, they also know that I like boys, and have had boyfriends, though they probably couldn’t name them.
I suppose you now think you know me, and maybe you do, or maybe just maybe there is another me that I would never commit to writing for fear of anyone joining the “Me’s” together and finding out who I am really.
