Best Friends
That's what friends are for, isn’t it?
That's what she said, but it isn’t I’m sure she is wrong. She has to be wrong, what she did can never be right.
It all started when we were tiny children, out mothers friends at the school gate. We grew up together, more like sisters, some said, through school and college we remained friends, close friends.
Looking back I should have seen it, but didn’t then I wish I had. When we 16 others started commenting saying she was a little creepy, at first I stuck up for her, not seeing what they saw. I wish I had listened. After college we ended up sharing a flat, I suppose it was only natural, and it worked, worked well. We partied together, shopped together, holidayed together. We really were best friends
At 20 I met Stuart, it was love, well it felt like it. It was a whirlwind romance, from the first time we met, we were virtually inseparable, Stuart staying at our flat most nights. I suppose I wasn’t a great friend at the time, but that's growing up isn’t it, you develop new relationships. Natasha soon had a boyfriend, Stuart’s best mate Rob, their relationship was nothing like mine and Stuart’s, it lacked the spark, but they seemed happy.
A month after my 21st Stuart proposed, I accepted of course instantly, there were no doubts for me. Natasha was thrilled, or at least I think she was, she arrived home from work with bundles of wedding magazines and dress brochures. I’m not sure if I actually asked her to be my chief bridesmaid or if she just assumed the role. Planning commenced and was at times suffocating, I suppose our friendship often was.
At 22 I realised my period was late, I couldn’t be, we wanted a family, but this was a little too soon. Stuart was thrilled, couldn’t wait to be a dad. We kept it our secret for a while, just us, not even Natasha. After our scan I presented Natasha with a scan picture, she smiled, but there wasn’t the excitement I expected. Weeks later Natasha confided in me that she was pregnant as well. She seemed happier now, until her and Rob split, I have to admit I wasn’t surprised, he hadn’t seemed happy for a while. Natasha didn’t seem to mind. We shopped baby clothes together, chatted healthy eating and birth plans, our friendship renewed.
*
Natasha arrived home, she was soaking wet, dishevelled, her hair clung to her face, her eyes puffy from crying. She looked wild. It took me a while to calm her down, settle her. As she sat huddled under towels, clutching a hot mug of tea, the tears had stopped. Yet she hadn’t yet spoken.
A knock at the door, a look of panic swept across her momentarily. I walked into the hallway, could see the bright yellow and black through the door, a feeling of unease as I reached for the handle. As I opened the door I knew, just knew. The grim look on their faces, I slide down the wall unable to stand or speak. There’s a bit of blank in my memory now, but I was now in the living room, clutching a steaming cup of tea, that would remain undrunk. A police officer sat next to me, while the other radioed for an ambulance. I had collapsed when I saw them, but they had to deliver their news. Stuart was dead, along with his sister, a car accident, the details were sketchy, or maybe it’s just my memory. Natasha held my hand, but something wasn’t right, the look in her eyes, what was it. More police arrived along with an ambulance, I was taken to the hospital.
I was surprised to see Rob sat next to me bed when I woke up, his face aged, streaked with tears, his hands wrapped around the paper cup of cold coffee. He looked into my eyes I felt his pain, our shared pain. He took my hand, gave it a gentle squeeze.
“It was her, she killed them, she ran him off the road.” he croaked his voice hoarse.
A cold feeling ran through my body, what had he said, I struggled to put together his words, he must be delirious with grief.
“Who?” I asked, realising instantly that I knew the answer, that's why she was so upset, why the police had not let her come with me in the ambulance. My head spun, I felt sick. It couldn’t be true, they must all be wrong.
*
Weeks later the families officer arrived, he had a letter for me from Natasha, I couldn't bring myself to touch it, he sat me down read it to me, I felt the bile rising, my head spinning.
Dear Sarah,
Why have you not written yet?
I had to do it, had to protect you. He was having an affair, I saw him, he kissed her, hugged her. I knew I had to protect you and our babies. He wasn’t good enough for us, we didn’t need him, we have each other, That’s what friends are for, to look after each other, look out for each other. We don’t need them.
Friends, Friends forever.
That's why I knew what to do, that's what friends are for.
BFF
Natasha
Then another blow, Natasha wasn’t pregnant, she had never been, just wanted to be like me. Seems she saw Stuart at the station, he was collecting his sister who had just returned from travelling, Natasha had thought he was having an affair, she believed she was protecting me.
I’m 8 months pregnant now, Rob by my side, we are not together, but cling to each other in our grief and my guilt that my friend could do this. Natasha isn’t in my life anymore, the police stop all her letters, thankfully she writes several times a day, but never an apology apparently.
My life ruined by our friendship.
